Everything about you (HIATUS)
by AdFinemAdInfinitum
Summary: "Relationships are for fun. Love is overrated and pigs cannot possibly fly. Everything about you is so wrong." JSP/OC, R&R


**A/N: Aah it's been so long since I last updated . **

**So I really missed ff.**

**This story is loosely based on a drama I'm in love with. **

**So here's a small disclaimer: The key idea is not mine.**

**Also Harry Potter stuff belongs to J.K.R. **

**Hope you like it!**

**Enjoy!**

**EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU**

**Chapter 1: Flying pig pants**

Aaah Diagon Alley… the center of wizard London, the center of good ol' England. And I, James Potter, am standing in the center of the center of London, the center of good ol' England. That's right. I am at the top- my rightful place no doubt, waving at the masses – oh, look a baby!- that will one day worship the ground I put my three hundred galleon shoes on.

If I conquered Hogwarts at age eighteen then the world is just a matter of … at most a decade. I tell you I've already got everyone under my thumb, with my immeasurable talent, knock-out charm and stunning looks, because everyone knows my cheekbones are out of this world… What was I saying? Oh, right, the center of the earth, on the top looking down-

"James, you prick, get off the roof, my dad is going to assassin me!" Now who is this arrogant peasant, this unlawful rat who dares-

"Shut it Freddie. If you're such a big shot come and get me down." Well, that's settled…

"Don't ignore me, butt face, I'm gonna tell Uncle Harry!" Sweet Merlin what a disturbance!

"Oh no! Little Freddie is going to tell on me, like the little rat that he is, big whoop!" I fake terror and in the end stick my tongue out on him – you know for the sake of it.

"Damn it! You know I'm responsible for the shop when dad's away, can't you just co-operate?" My cousin Freddie sighs, much to my pleasure.

"And what do I have to do if, say, I decided to listen to your pitiful pleads?"

Freddie muses for a second.

"Well, my exact orders were to 'keep you the hell away from here, even if I have to risk my own life'." Huh? Who the hell said- Oh never mind. I'm not going to pay attention to those comments. They can't keep me down anyway.

"You know what? For this comment alone I'm going to stay up here all day and just so that you know I have a stock of Decoy Detonators with me all the time." I sniff out in indignation. Get that, git!

"That's it, I'm calling your father!" He announces in what he considers to be a tone of superiority. It isn't, by the way.

Well, he can go whine at dad all he likes, I'm having a blast up here and since that is the case will not be coming out until I am bored with this game. It's just so entertaining watching people from above, thinking what weird, nasty, downright devilish things you could do to them and get away with it.

Take this old wizard for example, picking his nose when (he thinks) no one is watching. That finger surely deserves a permanent sticking charm. Let's get down to business.

And this kid who is hunting down a poor frog. Here, "Engorgio!" Look who's chasing whom now!

"This is so much fun! Oh! What might that be?" Over the street there's a girl- what on earth is she wearing? Is it legal to put on a leather jacket and pants with flying pigs on them? Wait, are those slippers? Has she no sense of fashion, probably no sense in general…

And what about that pair of glasses? They're worse than my father's! Of course they pair up with the dorky, lost look on her face. Ridiculous. I bet she didn't even hear people calling her 'hideous' behind her back, she's so clueless.

"Should I give her a wake-up call?" I whisper to myself. Yes, now's the perfect time, she taking out her cellphone, she won't know what hit her!

"Aguamenti!" I sing song and point my wand at her just before an entire river comes out of my wand and onto her and the best part of the building behind her.

First the weirdo's dorky eyes become at the size of a quaffle as she stares dumbfounded at her eye shore of an apparel , which is now, thanks to me, a wet eye shore. Then she notices the phone has gone bonkers- oups for that. She presses random things and apparently receives no response because she starts screaming at her cell and then at the world…

Talk about overreacting…

"James Sirius Potter!" Oh crap! It's dad! That idiot called him, I cannot believe it! Let's hide.

"Come down this instant!" Dad, ever so eloquent shouts at me.

"You! You up there! It was you, right? You jinxed me!" Oh, no. This is just too much crap for one guy to handle. I try to keep my head down but the clueless girl has finally started noticing things. Just my luck, I guess

"Where are you, you-" Sweet Merlin!

"I can see you, you prick…"

Now they're both attacking. Oh, look at that stupid girl pointing at me so obviously, dad's definitely going to notice. I jerk a head from my hideout and make a terrible grimace of certain death at the girl with the flying pigs on her pants.

"So it is you! Just wait till I call the Aurors-" Well, you won't have a hard time doing that, there's one very good Auror just downstairs. I smack my head against the floor of the roof. What am I thinking about in a time like this? I'm never going to get that new broom if dad catches me in the act.

"Can't you just shut it for a second, down there?" I hiss at the soaked girl.

"Shut up?" Apparently she doesn't agree because instead of keeping it down she raises her voice even more. "I'll- I'll …" She takes in big breaths of air trying to control herself. "I'll _destroy_ you!" She finally blurts, which of course makes me roll on the floor with tears in my eyes. She might be an eye shore but at least she's amusing.

"Yeah, sure, just stop fretting for ten second, kay?" She looks at me incredulously. I suppose we can't do this the civilized way, no surprise there. I shrug off my regret for what's about to happen, grab my broom and head down at her. She gapes as I take her waist and place her on my broom face down, like a sack of potatoes. Now let's roll.

"Are you mad? Let me down, I'm calling the Aurors!" She screeches as I fly away from the crime scene and to a quieter place. Knockturn Alley, perfect!

As I put her down, or rather throw her and her wetness off my broom she glares at my in fury and shock, unable to speak.

"Sorry for giving you a cold bath and abducting you and violating your personal space or whatever you creeps call it these days but I had to keep you from ruining my life." I explain quickly and without waiting for her reaction I add, "then again, why am I apologizing? This must have been the highlight of your day – no- your _life_!"

I chuckle at that.

"Excuse me?" She spits out.

"Well, I bet you feel very happy to be taken away by a guy as handsome as me. You're probably going to tell this to your dorky friend and make them jealous, right? Of course you need to act mad in front of me, after all you have to protect your dignity." I nod compassionately.

"Are you out of your mind, kid?" _Kid? _Now that's a new one. I've never been called that by a chick.

"Oh come on now…" I wink at her.

"Not only did you prank me for no reason, you actually got me soaked and destroyed my cellphone!" Oh, Merlin she's not stopping. I'm getting frustrated for no reason…

"And I was getting a very important call! And then you took me and practically threw me on your broom and – " That's enough nagging. I'm not even married or anything.

"Hey, girl!" I raise my head in a cool greeting and walk towards her quickly, which makes her gape in astonishment.

"You know," I pause and put a hand on her shoulder, like a loose half-hug, "you really," I place the other hand under her chin, forcing her big, dorky eye to look at me, "_really_ have a very cute mole," I lean in closer and she catches her breath like a good dork, "right here." And I peck a spot just under her mouth.

When I take a step back I see her, eyes closed, waiting for another surprise. I high-five myself mentally. A job well done!

"You!" She suddenly wakes up from the spell that is the James Potter charm and blushes all the way to her ears.

"Sorry girl, it was fun playing with you but chicks who wear pants with flying pigs on them can keep me interested only this long." I wave at her and get on my broom again.

"Who do you think you are, kid?" I fly away, completely unphazed by her calling me a kid twice.

* * *

><p>"You know you're lucky you didn't get your allowance cut thanks to that prank you pulled the other day."<p>

"Allowance? Seriously Freddie, how old are you, ten?" I mutter exasperatedly. This guy is such a crybaby, I cannot believe we're related.

"Still, do you think it's wise to skip the welcoming ceremony. It's the first day of school, shouldn't we just behave?" He chimes like the little mama's boy that he is.

"You know what they say Freddie, what you do the first day is what you'll be doing the whole year, and I don't plan on behaving this year either." I pat his back and at the same time push him in an empty classroom.

"Let's wait here till McGonagall finishes with her kill-me-now speech and then go out to eat." I suggest- well … it's more like a statement. Fred stares at me with that weird look he has sometimes when he wants to say something I don't want to hear.

"James…" I knew it!

"If you plan on spoiling my mood then don't." I warn him and yet he insists.

"James," He tries again. Well, let's hear it, then , if there's no way around it.

"Don't you think it's time to stop? Lay low for a while…" That again, huh? He's been trying to get me to shape up for years now, even though he knows very well that this is just who I am. It's part of my charm, I cannot stop pranking people.

"Fred, if you want out, then no one's holding you. If not then stop nagging me once and for all." I speak in that serious tone I really don't like. This brat is ruining my mood.

He doesn't speak anymore, which I take as an indication that he doesn't want out. Good boy, I mess his hair and push him off the desk we're both sitting on.

"So about tonight, you'll cover for me when I go see Jessica, right?" I chirp.

"If Frank asks you're down in the kitchens?" Cousin dear checks and I nod. Frankly I don't like lying to Frankie, but he went and got himself into a bad position so there's no helping it.

"He's really happy he became Head Boy." Freddie comments. Well, I don't really see why the guy wanted it so much, since it's all about nagging people and planning stuff and acting like a bloody night guard without getting paid, but whatever.

"I know. Two years ago he was part of the gang and then-" I pause dramatically and turn to stare holes into Fred's face.

"You know what he did then?" I ask in an fatherly tone. Freddie shakes his head.

"Then he decided to behave for the first day of school." I explain triumphantly. "And 'bam' that day ruined him. Now he's McGonagall's lackey." Fred rolls his eyes as I contemplate my friend's bad luck while I play with something- now what is this thing? Suddenly I focus on this thing I've picked up from the floor. I've been keeping it in my hand since we entered the classroom but never really registered its existence till now.

"Hey, Freddie, take a look at this!" I call out and Fred uses his wand for some light.

"It's a ball." I announce after looking at it properly. However, Freddie takes it from my hands and counters, "It's not just any ball, it's a Remembrall!" Now I know I've heard that before…

"This glassy thing that makes you remember stuff once you touch it?" I ask and my cousin agrees.

"But it's broken." He mumbles as I take my loot back. I stare at it closely; true it's got a crack right in the middle. Maybe someone got mad for forgetting something and just threw it away.

"You think it still works?" Fred asks .

"Doesn't seem to." I reply and just at that moment –just to prove me wrong- a small cloud appears inside the broken ball and in the middle of it all in red letters 'August 24'.

"A date?" He states the obvious. "What happened in August 24th?"

"It's not my birthday." I ponder. "Not yours, or Al's or Lily's… actually I don't think I know someone whose birthday is that day." My cousin nods in agreement.

"Perhaps it's something else." He suggests .

"I didn't do anything that day. Just stayed in and read a book about Quidditch tactics- you know the one you borrowed me."

"Maybe the ball is telling you, you forgot to return it." Freddie stomps his foot on the floor like he owns the place. Which he doesn't, that goes without saying.

"I didn't forget. I just didn't want to give it to you." I state matter-of-factly.

"Of course…" Fred sounds unimpressed.

"Then maybe it's Jessica's birthday." He takes the ball from my hands for the second time and brings it close to his eyes.

"Not possible. I remember I asked her just to make sure I break up with her before it comes." I look at the ball again and reply mechanically.

"Why so?"

"I hate buying presents for girls."

"Oooh!" He suddenly exclaims.

"Don't tell you're surprised I don't want to buy Jessica a birthday present…" I laugh coolly.

"No, that's not it!" A hand pulls me closer to the ball. Oh, well, look at that, now that Fred took it it's change- no, no, it's not. It blurred out and now it shows the same thing 'August 24'.

"Is it possible that there's something we both need to remember?" I ponder loudly and my cousin smacks me in the head. Damn, doesn't know that you can cause all sorts of damage when you hit someone's head?

"Ouch, you idiot!" I spit.

"James, it's not something we need to remember." He ignores me and says.

"Apparently this Remembrall is broken and so it shows the same thing over and over again." I pout at this. I don't like this loot. If I found it then it should be mine, why does it have to show someone else's forgotten matters?

"Whatever, I'm throwing it away." I mutter and leave the broken Remeball –or whatever it's called- on the desk.

"Maybe Frank can fix it." I look up at Fred who just said something rather clever, for a change.

"Then again Remembralls are prohibited in school." And we're back on idiot land.

"Freddie, who cares? I'm taking it."

"I think it belongs to someone though, should you leave it here or-" I interrupt him with a hand.

"Founders, keepers." I point out. "Now let's go. McGonagall must have finished with her blabbering." And I walk out of the classroom and to the Great Hall.

Thankfully the old bat is sitting down, munching something that is probably little children's hearts, cause she evil like that, and talking to Hagrid. Not so thankfully Filch who was, I gather, sitting by the door, spots us and gives us a good run for our money.

"James, you missed the welcome speech." Rose informs me dorkily – and if that's not a word then I don't know what has become of this world.

"I know." I reply sarcastically. "I did it on purpose."

"Well, that's really stupid of you. She said some very important things." I give her a look of utter boredom and she crosses her arms in front of her.

"Did Quidditch get banned?" I ask.

"No…" Her frustrated look changes into one of disbelief.

"Did going to class become optional?" I continue a smirk in the tips of my mouth.

"No, no!" She shakes her head rigorously.

"Then I can't imagine what important thing she could have said." I finish aforementioned smirk fully visible now. Rose sighs and looks down on her food.

"Jamie!" A voice squeals behind me. Oh Merlin what I put up with for a good snog…

"Jessica!" I half-squeal back with a fake smile.

"I missed you so much baby." She adds in that same manner and sits on my lap, while I'm bloody eating!

"Yeah, yeah, me too, we talk like two days ago." I joke, knowing that she probably doesn't get it. She just nods . Bingo.

"Well, since we're going to have fun tonight, why don't you go back to your pretty little tale and I go back to eating?" I say in a ridiculous voice and she complies. Now Jessica is not such a bad girl. Nor is she all that stupid –_I think_- but she knows that faking ignorance is making things easier for both of us. It's that kind of relationship, you see. Teenage love, in three words: thoughtless, shallow and temporary. A perfect deal.

"You really sound like a jerk." Freddie informs me casually. Well, it's not completely false but I don't really think there's a need for such vulgar words, I explain to him.

"Yeah, I know, 'it's the way relationships work these days', right?" He repeated something I must have told him a million times before. After that he just turns around to talk to Al and ignores me completely. Well, that's some friend…

Obliging , I turn their way as well and ask in an ever so polite manner what the hell is so interesting that they're ignoring me. Al, looks at me with a blank face as he explains that it was I who didn't want to hear what McGonagall had to say, so I'd better go back to my food.

It's not like I needed him to tell me that. Let them blabber about stupid rules; I'll just enjoy my meal.

* * *

><p>"I can't go to class Freddie, I have things to do!" I moan in around eight o'clock the next morning. Freddie who seems in a much better shape pushes me away from him.<p>

"If you hadn't thing to do last night you wouldn't be like shit now." He rubs it in.

"It was fun things. Now I have to go- what do we have?" I look at him for an answer.

"Defense against the Dark Arts." I raise an eyebrow at that.

"That's not too bad. Maybe I'll go." I ponder. Carmichael, who's been teaching DADA since before I came to school is not half bad. A cheeky man of about sixty, maybe less, a little forgetful but he can crack a joke.

"Since you've decided to go, the move it." Freddie adds and stands up.

"Not so fast." I pull him back down. "We need to be just a little late, we don't want people to think we're dorks, right?" My cousin looks sadly at the direction of the exit but does nothing.

And I, true to my word get up from the table just five minutes after the class is supposed to begin. It is after all a must to be fashionably late, for a young man of my status.

"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you." The stupid redhead blurts out just a second before I push the door of the classroom open. I turn to give him a perplexed look while opening the door. I mean if you have to say something shouldn't you say it before I barge –for lack of a better word- into the classroom? I shake him off and turn around. Now let's-

Huh?

Let's just blink a few times to clear our vision- this can't be right.

HUH?

I don't know how surprised I look right now, but if my face mirrors my thoughts then it must look… well…

Pretty. Damn. Surprised.

"Flying pig pants?" I say in an incredulous voice. A bespectacled girl dressed in a dark long shirt and jeans is staring, _gaping_, at me from –get that!- Professor Carmichael's seat.

"What exactly is going on?" I mouth my thoughts in a low one.

"I almost forgot to tell you, James, we have a new DADA Professor."

This IDIOT! How could he forget to tell something so important? And why didn't I see flying pig pants yesterday in the welcom- Aah that's right, I skipped that.

But still was there no one to tell me about it? I curse under my breath and turn back to an equally shocked and sadly a little annoyed Flying pig pants.

"I-" She stammers.

"You-" Again fails to continue. Finally her surprise fades into pure annoyance. Just great…

"You're late." She states simply. "Ten points from Gryffindor." Freddie next to me flinches.

"Each." She adds. You have got to be kidding me!

**A/N: So it's been so long I feel worried. Did you like it? Not?**

**Anyway review! **

**Really makes my day.**

**Kisses,**

**Sarah**


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